Time to stop thinking you're the only one that matters

When it comes to the holidays, all i can do is remember the things my mother always took the time to teach me. 

Sitting in the McDonalds at LAX Monday morning, I noticed a couple looking for a spot to sit so they could enjoy their meal. 

As I was sitting alone, I offered them the bench across from me, showing them a gesture not many others spoke up to give. 

As the woman told me how gracious I was, I reminded her "'Tis the season not to think about yourself". 

To me, I don't mind sharing a booth in a crowded eatery with strangers. This is the season where you look to help others out, and that's something I definitely wanted to do. 

As I sit here typing this, Celine Dion's "Because you loved me" began playing over the airport PA, bringing me to tears. 

The things my mother taught have lived with me since she put them in my head, and I will do what I can to make sure my child knows how to conduct themselves. 

Traveling is definitely something not many people can do with ease, but I look at a lot of the things I do and give thanks that I am able to do what I can. 

I give thanks that I was raised how I was, and that I am able to enjoy life as I am. 

My mother is a family martyr - she died to show us how strong we could be, and now more than ever I see that. I see how strong she made my brother and I. 

I see how strong the bond we forged as children is now, regardless of what we may have said from time to time. 

If life was easy, everyone would be a millionaire. But it's not. Life shows us how grateful we should be, how much we should cherish every moment and enjoy all that we can. 

It always seems to me that the airport brings out the thoughtful side in me. I'm always looking to help someone else out, as much as I can. Maybe it's all I learn day buy day while at Trader Joe's, but dealing with people just seems to get easier when you've got a smile on your face. 

I definitely am proud of where I came from, and will never forget the things I was taught, regardless of how long it's been since I was taught those things. 

Don't forget where you came from. That's when you'll truly lose yourself. 

Ballpark list -- work in progress

Reaching 16 of the 30, I decided to put a list together of the things i enjoy about the different parks, as well as things I may not be particularly fond. 

I've marked off 11 stadiums in the last 3 years, and with 14 to go, the time for this list was spot on. 

Angels Stadium, Anaheim

Date of first visit: 2003 vs Chi. (AL)

Number of visits: 42 and counting

Final Score: 10-8 Chicago

What I Like: Ease of access from freeways and Amtrak line. Best deal on food in the ballpark: Chronic Taco. During summer night games, visitors to the ballpark can hear fireworks from Disneyland at 9:30 pm. The stadium also serves as the host of 2-3 AMA SuperCross races, including the season opener. 

What I Don't Like: The inability to place a deposit on group tickets, the rise in cost of parking with either the New York (AL) or Boston

AT&T Park, San Francisco

Date of first visit: Aug 25, 2012 vs Atl

Number of visits: 44 (as of 2013)

Final Score: 7-3 Atlanta

What I Like: A taste of San Francisco at the ballpark, offering italian breaded chicken tenders, Northern California brewed beers and a wide array of alcohol to choose from. The view of the Bay Bridge at sunset is the best in ballpark view in California. Public transportation, BART, runs right along the left field line.

What I Don't Like: Winners of 2 of the last 3 World Series, baseball in San Francisco is at its peak right now. However, the Giants have begun to increase ticket prices including those in the upper reserve as well as the outfield. Parking for game 2 of the 2012 Fall Classic was $45. Parking for Braves vs Giants in May 2013: $35. 2012: $20. 

Chase Field, Arizona

Date of visit: May 20, 2006

Opponent: Atlanta

Final Score: 13-0 Arizona 

Liked: This was the first field outside of California I visited. First air-conditioned stadium, as well as first retractable roof stadium (and so far only). 

Disliked: First experience of a parking structure outside a ballpark or arena. 

Citizen's Bank Park, Philadelphia

Date of visit: June 28, 2012

Opponent: Pittsburgh

Final Score: 5-4 Pittsburgh 

Liked: While this is the home of one of the Braves biggest rivals, I still enjoyed how the Phillies honored those of the past. 

Disliked: Attending a day game in June was not something I thought into. The humidity of Philadelphia turned a white shirt yellow. 

Coors Field, Denver

Date of visit: July 10, 2010 

Opponent: San Diego

Final Score: 4-2 Colorado

Like: Similar to Safeco Field, Coors Field provides an element of the Rocky Mountains within its walls. Another one of the best sunsets in MLB, the ballpark also boasts the founding of Blue Moon beer with its own Blue Moon brewery & restaurant behind home plate. (http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20130501&content_id=46419990&vkey=pr_col&c_id=col) 

Dislike: n/a

Dodger Stadium, Los Angeles

Date of first visit: 1987
Number of visits: 40 and counting

Like: This was the first ballpark I ever went to, and many memories of trips here with my mom will always be fond ones. The sunset over the pavilion is one of the most gorgeous views in all of baseball. 

Dislike: Parking, lack of public transportation - The Dodgers and the LA Metro system do offer a shuttle from Union Station to the stadium, but there is no direct line to the stadium. Food - while Dodger Dogs are iconic in Los Angeles, the other food selections are rather unappealing and have remained the same for the better part of 20 years (eg. California Pizza Kitchen & Carls Jr.)

Fenway Park, Boston

Date of visit: June 22, 2012

Opponent: Atlanta

Final Score: 4-1 Atlanta

Like: The nostalgia of catching a summer game at the oldest park in baseball is hard to put to words. The smell of the food from behind the outfield, joining with the crowd in singing "Sweet Caroline" and getting to stare at a giant green wall in left field, also known as the Green Monster, is something you can only dream of until you see it with your own eyes. 

Dislike: While Fenway is the oldest park in MLB, it's seats are rather small. The older stadiums were built with support beams that do interfere with the view, but the stadium is rather intimate, IMO. 

Marlins Park, Miami

Date of visit: April 8, 2013

Opponent: Atlanta 

Final Score: 2-0 Atlanta

Like: Being in attendance for the Marlins second home opener, I got to see this park as many haven't: near capacity. With 34,439 "fans" in attendance, the park was 3,003 paid tickets off from being classified as sold out.   

Disliked: Not much to dislike going in with no expectations. 

O.Co Coliseum, Oakland

Date of visit: July 26, 2013

Opponent: Los Angeles (AL)

Final Score: 6-4 Oakland

Liked: The selection of food and beer, for a stadium that had not undergone any major renovations since being built in 1967, was a welcome surprise. 

Dislike: The yard in Oakland is the last of a dying breed - this is the last dual facility in regards to MLB and NFL. The age of the stadium shows, and the organization is desperate for a new stadium. 

Petco Park, San Diego

Date of first visit: July 16, 2006

Opponent: Altanta

Final Score: 10-5 Atlanta

What I Like: An east coast ballpark in Southern California, Petco is one of the absolute best environments for a game. In 1993, saw San Diego vs Chicago (NL). 

Safeco Field, Seattle

Date of visit: Sept 11, 2013

Opponent: Houston 

Final Score: 6-1 Houston

Liked: The aura of Seattle is second to none. Safeco Field truly encompasses the Great Northwest within its grounds, and $5 beers in the pen from the time the gates open up until an hour before first pitch is one of the best deals in all of MLB. 

Dislike: n/a

Turner Field, Atlanta

Date of first visit: Oct 3, 2010 vs Phi. 

Opponents: Philadelphia, New York (NL), Chicago (NL)

Final Score: 7-0 Philadelphia

Like: This park, to me, is home. For years, I've dreamt of being able to witness a game live in Atlanta. In 2010, I made my first venture. This will always be my favorite park, as it is the home field of my favorite team. 

Dislike: Distance from home to Turner Field. Watching games via TBS for years made my summer dream to be at Turner Field. 

Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg

Date of visit: April 7, 2013

Opponent: Cleveland 

Final Score: 13-0 Cleveland 

Liked: This was the first true dome stadium I visited. While the club does not have much history, it did pay homage to one Hall of Famer that spent the final years of his career there: Wade Boggs. The ballpark's walls are adorned with comic book style drawings. 

Dislike: n/a

U.S. Cellular Field, Chicago (AL)

Date of visit: 2010

Opponent: Texas

Final Score: 7-4 Texas

Like: While the South Side of Chicago is one of the worst areas in the country, this is one of the most storied ball clubs in all of MLB. On the night of my visit, the Sox hosted "Elvis Night". The food selections bring you a taste of Chicago, including an italian meat sandwich that included horseradish. (When in Rome…). This stadium is also very accessible from Chicago's public transit, build for the Worlds Columbia Expedition in the late 1800's.

Dislike: One wrong turn and you can find yourself in a neighborhood you don't want to remain in for too long. 

Wrigley Field, Chicago

Date of visit: 2010

Opponent: Atlanta 

Final Score: 3-0 Atlanta

Like: This was the first of the old ballparks I visited. Being able to take in a night game at the friendly confines was an experience in itself, especially during August. This ballpark was truly built into the neighborhood, as can be seen from watching a Cubs game on TV. While the stadium approached it's 100th year, renovations have been made, as after it's 100th anniversary, the stadium cannot undertake more upgrades as it is a national monument. 

Dislike: n/a 

Yankee Stadium

Date of visit: June 25, 2012

Opponent: Cleveland 

Final Score: 7-1 New York 

Like: While this was the new Yankee Stadium, it still had the nostalgia, to me, of the old park. While everyone looks at the Yankees as "The Evil Empire", one cannot help but indulge themselves in the ballpark with the history of baseball at the museum the ballpark boasts. With displays set up honoring Mickey Mantle, Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth, the club sure did go all out to make sure it held onto the memorabilia of old. 

Dislike: The new stadium, as all original stadiums were built, is entrenched in the Bronx. But what this does is cut down on parking, for those who do not have the ability to take the public transit that runs right by the ballpark. I recommend getting to the stadium early - we paid $48 for valet parking. 

A post from 9/11/2013 that never made it online... until now

September 11, 2013. 

It has been twelve years to the date of the not-so-forgettable attacks this country endured, and as I travel along the west coast, I am reminded of the things many of us put in the back of our minds leading up to this day. 

Traveling, to many, is rather easy. You're in, you're out, and you're on your way. 

But there have been numerous times where fellow travelers are unaware of why airport security, especially TSA, sticks to the guidelines they set following 9/11. 

I recall days when you were able to meet the passenger you were picking up at his/her gate, being asked to go through security just like any other passenger. 

These days, it is far-fetched to think our country can return to that point. 

Trust, as it was, has gone out the window. 

Now, regardless of skin color, everyone is looked at as a potential threat - with a very good reason. 

Everyone is from a different walk of life. Everyone has their own agenda, and that is not to be overlooked. 

But, in my eyes, everyone deserves their fair chance to do as they wish, except when putting others lives in danger. 

When I first booked this flight, I didn't think much into traveling on 9/11, as did those who lost their lives that fateful day. 

But as they date approached, I started to recall the memories of that morning. 

Where I was, what my reaction was, and the reactions of those around me that day. 

This is a day our country will not soon forget, as it never should be. 

For years, citizens stood by our government with the faith that we could rid the world of hypocrisy and dictators. 

But what we didn't expect was a band of free-thinking extremists could devastate our country as it did. 

It has been known that history repeats itself, but where did we see this coming? 

As we look back, we see the evolution of time, the evolution of people and the evolution of thinking. 

Are we to think something like 9/11/2001 can happen again? 

Are we to think that a president like George W. Bush, who many look back on as one of the worst to be elected, actually knew what was going on that morning while he sat in a Florida classroom? 

What can we take from the memories we still have from this day - many of which still bring tears to our eyes? 

We must, as a people, and a country, move forward, as many have suggested. 

We must stay strong to our beliefs, as separate as they may be from others around us. 

We must stay true to our country, even as many of us do not feel those appointed leaders have the power to change the things many feel need to be changed. 

We must remember those who risked their lives in the moments after the attacks, and those who enlisted their services to join the military in remembrance of those lives lost. 

But most of all, we must be thankful for the things we have. 

Many are not as grateful to have the things we do, to be able to do the things we do. 

In that light, is there a better way to pay honor to those who risked their lives for the well-being of the rest of us? 

As a sports fan, there is no better way to pay homage to those who risked their lives, and those who were lost in the attacks, than to have the baseball teams in New York don the caps of the first responders. 

It may be tough for many to admit, but to me, it is a necessity. 

This country has been through a lot, but we must honor those who are not around to see today. 

Sea Kings Vitale rushing against Moorpark

Sea Kings Fixen rushing against Moorpark

2011 MLB Preview

MLB Predictions for 2011 Season

These are just my top picks for each division, as I worked out on my show, “Eat My Sports”, Wedbesday March 2. The clip can be seen on CCMN.TK by going to the archive of shows.

But without further adeu, here we have it!

Starting with the junior circuit, the American League, out West:

1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - Fresh off a season where the Angels failed to make the playoffs for the first time since (when?), the Angels added Vernon Wells (TOR) to a lineup already consisting Kendry Morales, who was injured for most of last season, and Torii Hunter, who carried the Angels all he could. But it will be whether the rest of the Angels, including Brandon Wood, Jeff Mathis and the rest of the lineup that manager Mike Scosia will put together as Spring Training trudges along. Don’t overlook the Angels pitching staff, led by Jered Weaver, who is coming off a 13-12 season where he posted a 3.01 ERA, Dan Haren, Joel Piniero, Scott Kazimir and a bullpen boasting Francisco Rodney at the back end.

2 Texas Rangers - The Rangers lost Cliff Lee in the sweepstakes over the summer, but found a way to improve its offense amidst not bringing back Vladimir Guerrero. But the Rangers picked up Adrian Beltre and are currently holding onto Michael Young, utilizing him in the DH spot with Elvis Andrus holding down the shortstop position, Ian Kinsler at short and the addition of Mike Napoli, who could play first, DH, or catch for Ron Washington’s squad. The Rangers are hoping acquisition Brandon Webb (AZ) will return to his Cy Young form and fill in nicely for Cliff Lee, rounding out a rotation with C.J Wilson, Tommy Hunter and Colby Lewis before Washington calls on 2010 Rookie of the Year Neftali Feliz to close things down. But you cannot forget the powerful Nelson Cruz or the reigning AL MVP in Josh Hamilton.

3. Oakland Athletics - The A’s have a farm system that constantly produces great players, but they organization has proven over the years that they are unable to keep those players, such as Tim Hudson, Mark Mulder, Matt Holliday and many others. But the A’s have reloaded for 2011, bringing in closer Brian Fuentes from the Angels, bringing Rich Harden back to the front of the rotation, and not to forget Dallas Braden, who pitched a perfect game on Mother’s Day, 2010, can either have a great season, or be mediocre with a great moment. The A’s bring back catcher Kurt Suzuki, hoping he builds off of last season, where he hit .242, a career low after averaging .276 the prior two years. While Suzuki doesn’t have the power most teams like behind the plate, they bring back Kevin Kouzmannoff at third, but the outfield is really where the A’s did their damage this offseason. They brought in David Dejesus (KC), Josh Willingham (WAS), Conor Jackson (AZ), and a returning Coco Crisp, who played in 79 games last season. Hoping they can get production from the DH spot will be a problem, as they picked up another former Angel in Hideki Matsui.

Central

1. Chicago White Sox - If there is a pitching staff to fear in the AL, it comes from the South Side of Chicago, with Jake Peavy, Mark Buerhle, Gavin Floyd, Edwin Jackson and John Danks. Peavy has started 33 games over the past two years, splitting time between Chicago and San Diego during injury plagued seasons, but this rotation, from top to bottom, is one of the best assembled in 2011. The White Sox lost lockdown closer Bobby Jenks to Boston, but Ozzie Guillen is searching for a reliever to step into that role and finish games. The biggest offseason addition for the Sox was Adam Dunn, who will provide protection for Paul Konerko, Alex Rios, Carlos Quentin after the speedy Juan Pierre sets the table for what is a fearsome lineup.

2. Minnesota Twins - The Twins, like the A’s, seem to reload every year. With hopes of Justin Morneau returning to his MVP form and teaming with Joe Mauer to provide a middle of the lineup bash that opposing pitchers have to deal with. The Twins return Jim Thome as their DH, Michael Cuddyer, Delmon Young, Jason Repko and a plethora of hitters that have proven they can keep up with their opposition in the tough AL Central. But the pitching staff is the biggest key for the Twins, hoping that Francisco Liriano, Carl Pavano and Scott Baker can lead the rotation before they hand the ball over to Joe Nathan, who is coming back from Tommy John surgery, and Matt Capps, who filled in nicely for Nathan when the Twins picked him up midway through last season.

East

1. Boston Red Sox - This isn’t another year the Red Sox are content with finishing behind the Yankees, but when are they ever? Boston picked up slugger Adrian Gonzalez (SD) and the five-tooled Carl Crawford (TB), adding to a lineup hopeful of returning Dustin Pedroia and Jacoby Ellsbury to a lineup already anchored by Kevin Youkilis, J.D. Drew and David Ortiz. This is Boston’s chance at having its own murderers row, if the middle of the lineup can get hot for long periods of time at the same time. But the key to the Red Sox success is the pitching staff, as it is with every other team. Boasting Josh Beckett, John Lackey, John Lester, with hopes that Daisuke Matsuzaka and Tim Wakefield can pick up the slack, the Sox retun Jonathan Papelbon at the back end of the bullpen, with the added help from Bobby Jenks, hoping Hideki Okajima can return back to his dominant form. The biggest question mark in Boston will be who will take on the majority of the catching duties. With Jason Varitek’s time expiring, the Sox turn to Jarrod Saltalamacchia, hoping he can regain his form as a highly-tougted prospect in the Atlanta Braves organization and provide power from both sides of the plate and handle a top-notch staff.

2. New York Yankees - The Yankees are fresh off a disappointing season (if they don’t win a pennant, its a disappointment) where they lost to the upstart Texas Rangers in the ALCS. The Yankees still boast a dangerous lineup, with Mark Texiera, Robinson Cano, Alex Rodriguez and Nick Swisher. But can Curtis Granderson, a platoon of Jorge Posada, Francisco Cervelli and Russell Martin at catcher, Derek Jeter, Brett Gardner and an aging Andruw Jones sustain a 162-game marathon and help the Yankees earn a 28th title? The Yankees lost out on the Cliff Lee raffle over the summer and Andy Pettite to retirement, but return C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, Joba Chamberlain and Phil Hughes to a rotation that is as good as any, rounded off by newly-acquired Rafael Soriano and what some consider to be the greatest closer of all-time in Mariano Rivera.

And moving on to the senior circuit, the National League, and beginning out West as well:

1. San Francisco Giants - the defending World Series champions are ready to defend their title, and who in the NL West will stand in their way? With the Dodgers situation and the Diamondbacks in a constant rebuilding mode, this is the Giants division to lose. The Giants lost MVP Edgar Renteria to the Reds, but retained Cody Ross, Aubrey Huff and Pat Burrell to a lineup boasting NL Rookie of the Year Buster Posey, Aaron Rowand, Mark Derosa (hoping he can stay healthy), Pablo Sandoval, Miguel Tejada and Nate Schierholz. But the Giants have a pitching staff able, and armed, to shut down any lineup, as proven in the playoffs, starting with Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, Madison Bumgardner and hoping Barry Zito can finally regain his form with the A’s. But the x-factor with the Giants is closer Brian Wilson, who shut down opponents in the final two innings of the playoffs en route to the championship.

2. Colorado Rockies - The Rockies always produce late in the season, and are hoping for Troy Tulowitzki, Carlos Gonzales and Ubaldo Jimenez to lead this team, like they did last year and in 2007, toward another postseason berth. The Rockies still boast one of the best pure hitters in the history of baseball in Todd Helton, not to mention Jason Giambi, who can fill in for Helton and provide a much needed punch off the bench. But the Rockies, who have proven that Coors Field is no longer just a hitters ballpark, still have Huston Street at the closer spot, who has done everything the Rockies have asked of him since being acquired for Matt Holliday

2. San Diego Padres - Last year was a dream year for the Padres, but how can they sustain their success without Adrian Gonzalez? Their rotation, led by Mat Latos and Aaron Harang will constantly be tested, especially Heath Bell, tabbed with closing games out. But the lineup will have to score runs in a pitching heavy NL, led by Brad Hawpe, Chase Headley, Jorge Cantu, Ryan Ludwick and Cameron Maybin. The Padres have the youth to compete, especially in a division proven that anything can happen year after year.

Central

1. Cincinatti Reds - The Reds are one of the best young teams in baseball, and they have the defending NL MVP in Joey Votto to prove that. Cincy boasts Brandon Phillips, Scott Rolen and World Series MVP Edgar Renteria on the infield and Jay Bruce and Johnny Gomes in the outfield, but can the Reds hold off a host of foes in the Central, including St. Louis, Chicago and Milwaukee? Yes, I failed to mention Pittsburgh, because they do not seem to be exiting the cellar anytime soon. The Reds rotation is led by Bronson Arroyo, Edison Volquez, Johnny Queto and Mike Leake, but Aroldis Chapman can start, relieve or close for Dusty Baker’s club, who already has Francisco Cordero closing out ballgames, and doing a fine job of it.

2. St. Louis Cardinals - Having Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday at the middle of your lineup should stamp NL Central title all over your team, shouldn’t it? Not this season. The Cards are already down Adam Wainwright, who is lost for the season after tearing a muscle in his elbow, But the Cards are hoping Chris Carpenter, Jake Westbrook and Jaime Garcia can pick up the slack before Tony LaRussa hands the ball to Ryan Franklin to close out the game. The Cards added Lance Berkman to their lineup, providing switch-hitting power to protect Pujols and Hollliday, but can Skip Schumacher, Colby Rasmus and Nick Punto set the table for these three sluggers?

East

1. Philadelphia Phillies - The re-acquisition of Cliff Lee can only mean one thing for the Phillies in 2011 - success. Lee joins Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels and Roy Oswalt, a pitching staff that rivals the Braves staffs of the ‘90’s, with Brad Lidge at the back end of the bullpen. As good as these four pitchers are, there is only so much they can do, especially if the opposing pitcher pitches better than them. The Phillies still have Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Raul Ibanez and Shane Victorino at the top of their lineup, but lost Jayson Werth to Washington and must find a way to fill his shoes.

2. Atlanta Braves - Can the Braves break the SI cover curse? If Jason Heyward and rookie Freddie Freeman have anything to say about the matter, the answer is yes. Heyward is just one of the pieces the Braves are hoping will fall into place, after acquiring second baseman Dan Uggla from Floria in exchange for the versatile Omar Infante and reliever Mike Dunn. Uggla’s acquisition moved all-star Martin Prado to left field, and the Braves hope Nate McLouth can regain his own all-star form. Freeman will start at first for Fredi Gonzalez’ squad, who has Alex Gonzalez and short and Chipper Jones, hoping he returns to form before his August injury, at third. Handling the pitching staff is the consistent Brian McCann, who has proven to be one of the best hitting catchers since he came up in 2005. Atlanta kept backup David Ross, who has proven he can fill in for McCann at any and all costs, providing leadership in the clubhouse. But the Braves pitching staff has shown it can hold its own with the Phillies over the years, with Tim Hudson, Derek Lowe, Tommy Hanson, Jair Jurrgens and a number of candidates to fill in the fifth and final spot. But the bullpen is the question. Young and semi-experienced, the Braves still have yet to receive Billy Wagner’s retirement papers, but have Craig Kimbrel and Jonny Venters ready to fill Wagner’s shoes with help from veterans Scott Proctor and George Sherrill. This will be an interesting year to see if the Braves, as an organization, can win without Bobby Cox as its manager, but Gonzalez has the track record to fill in smoothly.

AL Wild Card - New York Yankees

NL Wild Card - Atlanta Braves

World Series - Red Sox vs. Phillies

Winner - Red Sox

It's a tough world, and if you're gonna make it, you just gotta power through. Recently, something hit me, and it hit me hard. I had begun a relationship that was going in the right direction. It seemed like everything around me was just falling into place. I was in a constant good mood, I could talk to her anytime I wanted, and we would spend what little time we could together. Then Vegas hit. And that is where it all started to go downhill. Me, being me, went to a strip club, spent a little too much money that night, and started to doubt myself. I started thinking about what I should have done instead, going against everything I breeded myself on over the last year... Not to live by the should have, would have, could have. I felt insecure. Very insecure. That day I left Vegas in the absolute worst mood I ever had. I couldn't believe what I just did, and I was sick to my stomach. I talked to her a little bit before the weekend ended, but when Monday hit, something just didn't feel right. I started to feel depressed, very depressed. I felt alone. I felt like no one could help. One of the things I would talk about with her was that if I can't talk to you about what is going on, then I have a problem. My problem lies with myself, and I know this. But what that problem did was open her eyes to what was going on in her life. Just to straighten things out, she didn't break my heart. I broke my own heart, and trying to do what I could to get her back only hurt me more. True, we only dated for a small amount of time, but there was something about her I didn't want to let go of. It was the memories we had made over the time we were together, and even now, I do not plan on giving any of them up. But the toughest thing for me, is the feelings I have that I have now let brew inside of me. The best thing about our relationship was we would talk on a daily basis. Any free time either of us had we would talk. But for the last few weeks, such has not been the case. I probably have talked to her three times since, and only one time did I actually get the impression that she wanted to talk. I have looked for advice from people who I feel can help me personally, as to what approach to go about, but it is tough. One adviser told me to blog about it, because as a writer, type it out and see how you feel. And you want my honest opinion? Some days I feel she cares, and others I feel she doesn't, and that couldn't hurt more. She called me one night when she was at work, and the band playing that night was covering Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight". You know what happened? I couldn't hold back my tears. I felt good at that point. But every other day has been a struggle. I can't seem to figure out which way things are going anymore, and as much as I told myself and everyone else that I was not just going to give up easily, I am at the point where I just want to mentally let go and see just what happens. But then when I think about it, I don't want to give up. I don't want to give in. I want to see how things go. Time heals all, and I am prepared to life a long life. Sure, another small fish in a big pond, blah blah blah. But this one, THIS ONE, was something that I knew was a solid one. So the last few weeks, somehow, we have been talking, a baby-step, on either FaceBook or yahoo. Some days I wake up not feeling like today is going to be the day where I steer clear. No texting, no messaging, nothing. But it's not that I break, I just want to make sure each day of hers is a good one. How I would love to be the one there for her when she is feeling down. But those days are gone. I found a way to open up to her, and tell her that I did not want to push her away. But when I truly did push her away, she looked at her own life and knew that the direction we were heading was not going to benefit either of us, with the schedules we both had. She works two jobs, goes to school three nights a week. She has one full day a week to herself. Me, I work 5 days a week. My schedule is not the most ideal, and with any freelancing work, I am usually busy in front of a computer. But we were both willing to make it work before. I guess it just got too trying. The distance wasn't it. We were compatible. It wasn't our interests. It wasn't the way we were raised. When I look at it now, it was just a decision made for the benefit of our present state to benefit our future. I need to look at it as a friendship now, not a love interest. She isn't going to go out of her way to spend time with me anymore, and I need to have the same mentality, right? I'll tell you one thing, it sure as hell isn't fun. But like I said before, time heals all. I need to get back to how I was before she came along, not looking at her as a bump in the road, but a point in my life where I can grow. She is not someone I want to look at as just another friend. But I need to give it time. Life has it's ways of working itself out. As Mick Jagger once said "Time is on my side." And with that, I am done. Feel better now =)