Death, Family,

This may be tough to stomach, but I am not afraid of death.
Throughout my life, I have seen death all around me. Less than three weeks after my 14th birthday, my mom died of gastric cancer. After graduating college, a few good friends from high school died in car accidents.
The death that struck me the hardest occurred in 2005. A very good friend of mine, someone I thought of as a brother to me, killed himself. Reason still unknown, but able to imagine how Bronson could have done such a thing still remind me of what might have went on in his mind before he took his life.
After Bronson, both of my grandmothers died just over a year apart, one a few days before my 23rd birthday and the other almost a year later.
After 2006, death has been something I have used to try and make friends and others feel better about their situation.
March 5, 2009, death crept its way back into my life. This time, taking a great uncle of mine, Paul Schustek.
Uncle Paul’s death was not something that took the family by surprise. His health was declining slowly, but surely. You could see a slow progression over the course of 20 years in his health. Multiple open-heart surgeries and still the man lived his life to the age of 82.
Recently I caught myself mourning Uncle Paul’s death. What I have tried to drill into my head time after time, especially after my mom passed on, is knowing that it is better think of things in a positive aspect.
We should not mourn our dead relatives, but we should enjoy their life, knowing that in their time on this earth, they enjoyed themselves and lived their life the best way possible.
If I was to die today, I would know that I lived my last few days working the hardest I could, doing everything I could knowing my time was not wasted.
But this was not always my outlook on life.
Not until quitting a job and starting another did I realize this, but I could have used it earlier in my life.
For four years, I feel as if I slaved away, working at a family owned pizzeria in Torrance. Overworked and underpayed, I wore my emotions on my sleeve. I was cranky, unhappy, upset with myself, upset with my life, and found myself having nightmares about my job.
My boss and I got along fairly well at the beginning of the four years, but with both of us being as stubborn as we were, we constantly butted heads on numerous things, from the pizzeria to sports to politics.
As time went on, we agreed less and less, as I was unhappy with the situation months before I took my leave. For reasons that will remain unknown to the reader, I left my post as manager, choosing to take a pay cut instead and begin working for Trader Joe’s.

I didn't mind the pay cut one bit. I am now in a job with great benefits, tons of room for advancement, and a schedule that allows me to keep going all the time. Nine months into it, and my second semester as Sports Editor for El Camino's Union newspaper, I feel confident that I am handling everything on my plate, and death is just something that would stop that.

I try and keep a positive outlook on things. I get a lot of negative people coming into my line at work. It is tough when they try and drag you down, but you cant let them.

I often ask myself, "Is it that hard to just be nice?" I know, I know, a bold statement, but seriously? Why the f**k do people have to be so rude sometimes?

Take a deep breath and deal with the things that matter more.
Family.

Thats what it all boils down to. They push you and they push you, but to tell you to keep going. Dont give up. Keep up the good work.

Loving words of encouragement from family, one who just recently passed away.

Paul Schustek was a great uncle of mine. Full blood Irish marries a full blood Sicilian.
I smiled at the thought of times spent watching football or basketball at Uncle Paul's house, while Aunt Loretta cooked. After Christmas, on the way home. Anytime, when mom was alive, we would stop by. She is like another mother to me.

With Uncle Paul's passing I got to think more of Aunt Loretta. And my two grandfathers whose spouses passed away in 2005 and 2006.

They have lived a long life. Seen many things during their time. Shared many joys and many sorrys. And through the years, they stook by each other, creating a family. Creating people who interact well with others. (Maybe now I am just babbling, but this is my blog!)

My mom always put family first. I knew this looking back at how she was when she was alive. Every other weekend we were doing something. Our grandparents lived closed, so it was easy to do this. Our grandparents were involved in our lives at a very early age. Always picking us up from school, helping us with sporting events, letting us stay at their houses for extended periods of time and other stuff.

Family is a vital part of my life. I know it is time for more death, but I know that those close enjoyed their time on earth, in every way they wanted to. As Frank Sinatra once sang, "I did it my way!"

Frank just so happens to be my grandfather Nick's favorite singer. I could go on and on about him, and I want to. Always able to talk baseball with me, no matter what. Got me really interested in baseball movies with my mom, such as "The Natural", "Field of Dreams", and others.

The memories are vast, and the times with grandpa Nick, full blooded Nablidan (grandparents born in Naples, Italy), were great. Camping memories. Sleeping at his mom's house on the floor in Arizona. San Fransisco. The Gilroy Garlic Festival. Cherry picking out somewhere near Antelope Valley. Fishing on a little boat on Lake Isabella. Watching countless amounts of Atlanta Braves baseball, because he didnt care for the Dodgers, like grandma Jay loved.

She was born in Massachusetts, and I dont know how she got to New York. Full blooded Sicilian, older sister to my aunt Loretta. I dont recall how many siblings she had, but it was at least 4 total. She apparently was a really good bowler. Dont recall an average, but I did see a lot of trophies in the garage and on the wall when I was a kid. I did hear that grandpa did roll a 300 once.

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